Translations for the non evangelical
(a work in progress)

When a non believer says. . . .

. . . . . . an evangelical hears

My beliefs are not the same as yours, so please don't proselytize to me. I want to burn down your church, rape your daughter, and dance with the Devil in the pale moonlight
Separation of religion from civil government is of vital importance to a stable and healthy society. You have no right to live!
I feel it is inappropriate to place nativity scenes or religious symbols on official government property. Anything religious should be banned from public view, and your right to free speech should be taken away. So there!
I don’t go to church I rob old ladies on their way to church
The teaching of science is of vital importantance to our children’s future. I want to turn your children gay
A society should offer help to those with a real need. I'm a communist and I want to take all your stuff! Your guns too!
You’ve just received the largest tax cut in decades My Grandfather has a long mustache.
I believe that marijuana should be decriminalized. ....and included in school lunches.
   

 

When an evangelical says. . .

. . . .a translation for the real world is.

I will pray for you. You are going to burn in Hell no matter what, but I'm going to earn some Jesus points, praying for your pitiful soul, that I can spend in heaven later while you're roasting on the devil's spit.
We should all get along. We should all get along with folks who believe what we believe and nuke all the rest. (Those F#@kers!)
I believe in the Constitution I believe in what recovering alcoholic, and college drop-out, Glenn Beck tells me about the Constitution.
   
   
   
   
   
   

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