Fish Farts


I have from time to time used the locution, "It’s so quiet you could hear a fish fart," to which some have asked if fish really do fart. Well, fish actually do pass gas and I would like to point out that in his now famous study, Doctor Norman P. Flounder of Humboldt State University in 1978 determined that fish do indeed expel gas. However the average trout toot can only be detected by the most sensitive state of the art audio detectors. The decibel level of the average fresh water fish breaking wind is just three and one half thousandths that of a flatulent titmouse. So there you have it. It would have to be extremely quite indeed to hear a fish fart! As for the odor, Professor Averill J. Turbot is the only scientist to successfully collect a sample of fish gas during his well-documented expedition to Lake Effluvium in south central Kenya in the summer of 1985. In his ground breaking report to the scientific community he stated that the odor could be compared to that of an old tennis shoe full of wet dog hair and buffalo dung being roasted over a burning pile of Michelin tires. However owing to the minuscule quantity expelled by one fish there was no serious health hazard. The professor did go on to suggest a full analysis of the compound for possible future use as a chemical weapon. For further information see August 16, 1985 issue of the Kenyan Journal of Science. I hope this will clear the matter up.

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